Hated Thought Crimes

The lamestream media told you:

"Congress votes to add gays to hate-crime laws. Physical attacks on people based on their sexual orientation will join the list of federal hate crimes in a major expansion of civil-rights-era law that Congress approved," according to Jim Abrams of the AP. [Note that sexual orientation is actually not a basis for this crime -- only odd sexual orientation is included. Whether writer Abrams is in the new protected class was not disclosed.]

Recognizing that the bill had no chance for passage, it was attached to a must-pass $680 billion defense spending bill. [Note that spineless legislators allowed this illegal maneuver, and only 29 senators refused to vote for the bill and stand on principle.]

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

George Orwell proposed it first, and Mr. Obama has just signed another one into law. A new group, people of unusual sexuality, are now a special class of victims if attacked because of their sexuality.

The bottom line in thought-crimes-labeled-hate-crimes laws is that if you smash a person on the head with a 2 x 4, it's less of a crime than if you smash the person on the head with a 2 x 4 because you don't like them. Finding out whether you like them or not is the job of federal thought police, though 45 states reportedly have their own thought-police programs in place.

According to attorney general Eric Holder, who says thought-crimes-labeled-hate-crimes are his personal specialty, more than 80,000 such events have been "reported" to the federal government since he made his feelings known in congressional testimony 11 years ago. How many new offices and employees would be needed to staff a jobs program for processing so many newly manufactured thought-crimes-labeled-hate-crimes was not revealed.

"You better not hate anyone you physically confront," said one anonymous expert, who prefers to remain anonymous, "because if you do, or even if you don't and the feds charge you with improper thoughts, you're in a world of hurt. If you have to beat on someone, just do it in an emotionless way, it's legally safer." Senseless beatings, he says, are less criminal than specialized beatings.

The new law fails to criminalize hatred of short people, stupid people, racists, dopers, SUV owners, leaf blowers, the voice that tells you you're subject to search at the airport, white people and members of Congress or the "news" media, none of whom were reached for comment.