Page Nine

Counterintuitive Man says: "You can have my gun when you take it from my cold dead finger," is a total myth!

Spineless American whiners at a huge gun show recently were busy stocking up on mountains of ammo, buckets of magazines and reloading supplies, "for when Obama takes over," according to the Uninvited Ombudsman, who watched and heard their whines in between signing books for fans. Buy now or forever forgo your piece, eh?

Like during Katrina, when obedient slavish Americans meekly turned over their guns, handle -- not bullets -- first, to cooperative authorities, gun show buyers were preparing by stockpiling. The assumption was that authorities were preparing to take the guns from their warm live fingers with either a smile (we're from the government and we're here to save you) or with a tough gritty face, at gunpoint.

Not one gun owner fired one shot during the Katrina confiscations, to avoid "news" broadcasts that would have said, "Crazed maniac shoots at peaceful peace officers maintaining neighborhood safety after disaster, and is shot dead in a hail of police gunfire along with his entire family and dog; neighbors thank police for their brave efforts and propose statues; dead gunman may have had mental problems, motive is still unknown, police found 300 rounds of live assault ammunition in his flooded compound bunker; more news at six."

The revolution will not be televised. It will not be brought to you in three parts by any sponsor, and it will not feature guns taken from cold dead fingers.

Counterintuitive Man says: Lobbying and lobbyists are swell!

The candidates and the media whine non-stop about lobbyists, power brokers and bowing to special interests, but they don't have their thinking caps turned on!

Politicians swear to uphold the Constitution, which says we the people have an absolute right to "petition Congress for a redress of grievances." How do you think you do that, by writing a letter?

Every industry, every group and every person has the freedom and an inalienable right to lobby Congress directly themselves! And they should -- it's the American way!

If you want the elites in Congress to consider your wishes, what better way than to hire a pro to represent you! Or two pros!

If someone wants to cut off your access to Congress by outlawing your professional representatives, that makes them the enemy!

Lobbying is why America is better than a dictatorship! Well, it's part of why.

If your mouth and brain don'ta worka so good, it's great that you can hire extra brainpower and a mouthpiece to speaka for you!

Counterintuitive Man says: Unequal treatment is a good thing!

People who want everything equal and nothing offensive should go live where that has support -- so the rest of us can peacefully enjoy it when:

Smart students get better grades that dumb ones!

Hard workers make more money than lazy workers!

Great athletes make more money than lousy ones!

Unmarried women who pop out lots of babies don't live as well as married couples with two incomes and two children!

People who speak redneck, ebonics or spanglish can't get jobs as phone operators for large companies with national clientelle!

Folks who lie and decieve can get jobs as politicians! Uh, maybe that one's wrong.

Repair men who can actually fix things attract lots of business, and the rest starve!

Stores that offer good products at low prices thrive, even when community activists protest and call them names!

Yes, unequal treatment is a bedrock of American success, provides incentives, rewards and drives us to a brighter better day!

Counterintuitive Man says: "Democrats are Republicans, they just don't know it."

When you ask Democrats these questions, they consistently pick the Republican answer. They just think they're Democrats, and follow those candidates out of herd mentality (which is all some of them have). Hey, Republicans follow the herd too, so don't think I'm just banging on one side. Try asking your Demo friends, and see what they say. It's fun!

Would you like more freedom or less freedom?

Would you like to pay more taxes or less taxes?

Would you like government to tell you what you can peacefully do in your own bedroom?

Do you want the government to tell you who your doctor can be?

Do you want government agents or your doctor to tell you what medicines you should or can have?

Should the government be able to restrict your ability to protect your children or spouse?

If you save your child's life in a desperate criminal emergency by using a gun, but didn't take a government approved test first, or get some paperwork approved, should you go to prison?

Do you support government taking money from you, and giving to other Americans they think need it?

Does your answer change for giving your money to people who aren't Americans?

Does your answer change for giving your money to subsidize someone's business, or an industry, or rich people?

Do you think government should have the power to prevent you from educating your child as you see fit?

If you personally want your child to have a moment to pray while at public school, should government be empowered to prohibit your choice?

Now if we can just get Republicans to act like Republicans, problems solved!

Yes! Counterintuitive Man says it’s OK to hate, no?

Just ask the political left: It's OK to hate guns and gun owners!

Or ask the right: It's OK to hate anti-gun-rights bigotry and the smarmy policies and corrupt political hacks who promote it!

Just ask the president: It's OK to hate broccoli!

Ask anyone but Islamist murderers: It's OK to hate Islamofascists who blow up little children and behead innocent people as a political statement!

It's OK to hate your enemies!

But it's not required. It's a choice you get to make!

Yes, hatred is as natural a human trait as hunger, and neither one is going away any time soon, no?

And hate-crime laws are as hateful as the hate they hate and impotently seek to ban!

So stop sniveling! Reduce hate in your own life? Fine!

Enforce your will on me? Not so fine, because I hate that!

Tags: broccoli, hatred, Islamofascists

More Mammograms Please

The lamestream media told you:
"While once-a-year mammograms are urged for older women, women who haven't reached their 50th birthday should feel free to make up their own minds about whether to get annual exams, according to new guidelines from the American College of Physicians," reports Lisa Krieger in the San Jose Mercury News on April 3.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
"Letting women make up their own minds is so radical and dangerous the idea should be abandoned immediately," according to Counterintutitve Man. "The College of Physicians should be ashamed of themselves for such a preposterous suggestion, clearly only meant to increase the numbers of exams they sell to line their pockets with filthy lucre from unsuspecting patients," he said.

Correcting Counterintuitive Man, the Uninvited Ombudsman notes that physicians don't sell exams, they just bill the government (or government-sanctioned insurance monopolies), which takes money by force from the public, to give to doctors.

Tags: mammograms, Lisa Krieger

Yes! Counterintuitive Man looks at the end of the world, no?

Al Gore says the world will end in fire.

When I grew up they told me ice.

Will Muslims destroy Western Civilization out of religious desire?

I'll vote for ice or fire.

See The Great Global Warming Swindle on YouTube.

History teaches us: The human condition includes declaring that the world is about to end.

A friend at lunch recently confessed a sense of loss that this great country, and the monumental human achievements we've introduced to the planet -- freedom, self rule, rule of law, individual rights, free markets, wealth and abundance for the common citizen beyond anything previously imagined -- was nearing loss, and how, pray tell, would we ever recreate the unique circumstances that generated it all? Such a crushing sense of loss.

I imagine the Greeks felt the same as their ascendancy declined. The Roman Republic felt it as the Roman Empire took control, and the citizens of the Empire felt it as society became increasingly debauched and unworthy.

The folks caught by birth in the Byzantine and Dark Ages maybe didn't care much, who cares, but Western Civilization from the Rennaisance through the height of the British Empire had to endure the frightful loss of their position over time. Well, the French maybe haven't realized it yet, but they've fallen from their pinnacle too.

And maybe now it's our turn. We've made our contributions, peaked probably somewhere around Leave It To Beaver and had our death gasps with the Sixties  hippies through the Millennium. The future will build on what we did, take some, leave some, become the next best thing. Maybe we'll imitate France for a while, believing our past defines our future.

It must have been hard on the Greeks and Romans living through their post-peak plateau to watch it slip away. That rush of ascendancy we all know today -- as opulence increased, markets grew, the arts flourished, innovation was everywhere.

It must have been like what some of us see and feel -- desperate attachment to what was, grudging recognition of the impending fall, refusal by some, self-deprecation by others, emphasis on the faults and the we-deserve-to-die mantra.

Not to worry, our run isn't done, and be proud -- we've built a legacy humanity will savor for millenia. Your kids and their kids kids will inherit our wind. Momentum alone will carry us for a good while.

China seems like the next big thing, the place where mucho smart money will gravitate. Even if the Muslims establish their caliphate, push Western Civilization away, build Eurabia and destroy all those cool buildings in Holland and France, destroy what they can of the music, theater, literature, art, while chasing their own closed primitive theocracy, China is on the cusp of kicking some serious butt.

A critical balance between the tyrannical dictators of the olden communist Empire will succumb to the luxuries and opulence of the free markets they're building, a good thing. Alternative power structures based on industry, intellect, finance, capital, markets, goods and services will force and entice the tyrants to the fold, bribe them with pleasures of the flesh and mind, relieve them of the need to act tyrannically as their every whim is fulfilled by a culture burgeoning with good stuff. It's their turn. It's OK. Life is good.

Tags: global warming, Greece, Western Civilization, Rome

Yes! Counterintuitive Man looks at voting statistics from his friend Professor Joe Olson, at Hamline University (Minn.), no?

Concerning the 2000 Presidential election:

Number of States won by:
Gore: 19; Bush: 29

Square miles of land won by:
Gore: 580,000; Bush: 2,427,000

Population of counties won by:
Gore: 127 million; Bush: 143 million

Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:
Gore: 13.2; Bush: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country. Gore's territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."

Yes -- Counterintuitive Man examines the value of felonies -- no?

Korwin's new superhero idol, Counterintuitive Man, says:
Yes -- Felony convictions are good -- no?

Many of our greatest idols have them -- James Brown, Mike Tyson, G. Gordon Liddy, Billy the Kid, Martha Stewart, Jesse James, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Fuhrman, 17 Congressmen in recent years, 13 of them Democrats, Frank Abagnale (lookitup), many more!

Once convicted, you can just continue your behavior as long as you're not caught again!

Congress even gives its members a full pension after they get their felony!

Congressman Shadegg has introduced a felon pension ban every year, but Congress scoffs at him and ignores it, to help perpetuate felonies! They're Congress, they must know what they're doing!

How else could we prevent one black man out of seven from voting, if not for felonies?

Felony threats help keep gun dealers in line!

The threat of a felony helps keep everyone in line!

Felonies give legislators great new ideas for new laws every session!

Courts would be out of business if it wasn't for hundreds of thousands of felonies committed a year!

So would bail bondsmen, truckloads of attorneys and most police!

Why, government itself would have much less to do if it weren't for making up and enforcing felonies!

And gangs would have little to bond them together if it wasn't for felonies!

Many felonies don't even harm anyone, like owning a smoking pipe or prohibited plants, arranging for sex, skipping some taxes, missing deadlines, or making paperwork mistakes!

Yes -- felonies serve a valuable societal purpose we all want -- no?

Tags: Billy the Kid, Mark Fuhrman, John Shadegg, G. Gordon Liddy, James Brown, Martha Stewart, felony convictions, Frank Abagnale, Robert Downey Jr., Mike Tyson, Jesse James

Yes -- The liberals are the most conservative, and conservatives the most liberal, making political speech Orwellian and meaningless -- no?

Korwin's new superhero idol, Counterintuitive Man, says:

Liberals say, "Cut down no more trees," a totally conservative approach!

Conservatives say, "Cut the trees down faster," a very liberal approach!

Liberals say, "Stop drilling for oil," which is total conservation!

Conservatives say, "Drill everywhere, right now," a totally liberal drilling policy!

Liberals say, "No one should have a gun," as conservative as you can get!

Conservatives say, "Every home should have guns and ammo," a completely liberal sprinkling of firearms!

Liberals say, "Keep religion out of everything," thoroughly conserving the spread of godliness!

Conservatives say, "Wear your religious beliefs on your sleeve," to liberally spread godliness everywhere!

Liberals say, "You should give up what you have (like your money through taxes) for everyone else's benefit, or you're heartless," a totally conservative approach to your life (and money)!

Conservatives say, "You should keep all your money (like with steep tax cuts) to use as you see fit for charity or your own benefit, and not be a bleeding heart," a totally liberal use of your life (and money)!

Liberalism, "the left," is a euphemism for socialism -- the arch enemy of the American way, and it's "bad"!

Conservatism, "the right," is a euphemism for fascism, also the arch enemy of the American dream, and it's also "bad"!

Lefty socialists seek collectivism and communal benefits, the opposite of individual freedom to do as you please!

Righty fascists seek state control and authoritarian rule, the opposite of individual freedom to do as you please!

The left and right promote Orwellian tyranny and should be flatly rejected as a matter of policy!

Religion, morality, low taxes, limited government powers, an armed public, married families, free markets, free enterprise, secure borders -- these aren't right wing (or left wing), these are CENTRIST, the core values that have made America great!

Calling America's core values one-sided is a deceptive effort by America's enemies, foreign and domestic, to unbalance the country!

Yes -- it's not the left vs. the right, it's the state vs. you -- no?

Tags: conservatives, liberals