Page Nine

Global Whining Blame

The lamestream media told you:

According to AP reporter Dina Cappiello, "Former vice president Al Gore called Thursday for a 'man on the moon' effort to switch all of the nation's electricity production to wind, solar and other carbon-free sources within 10 years, a goal that he said would solve global warming as well as economic and natural security crises caused by dependence on fossil fuels."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Appearing to have lost his sense of balance, Al Gore, speaking in front of eight American flags at a packed auditorium, said in a prepared speech that if the United States cuts its CO2 output, the entire global warming theory will come to an end and the problem will be solved. Many readers read the story without connecting those dots, just like the "news" editors that ran the self-evidently absurd statement.

"Surely Gore knows that the U.S. is only a tiny part of the world's land mass, population and energy use," said one expert who read about the speech. "The conclusion from his proposal is that the entire 'problem' is caused only by us, and we can fix it all by ourselves. Maybe he misspoke. Maybe the reporter got it wrong. Maybe he forgot about Communist China and India, and, like, the other continents."

It was unclear how much of the cost of the lunar program Gore would pocket through his Alliance for Climate Protection, the bipartisan group he leads, but the cost to the nation was estimated at up to $3 trillion dollars. Reports didn't make clear who would get the money, only that it would be spent, following standard editorial policy.

Reporters failed to ask what, if anything, the other 97% of the world's population would be doing, while the 3% who live here would end fossil fuel use and save the planet. The report included the mandatory lines about Gore winning the Nobel prize and an Oscar.

Tags: Al Gore, Dina Cappiello, Alliance for Climate Protection

Boring Earthquake Glorified

The lamestream media told you:

Too much.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Los Angeles experienced a 5.4 magnitude earthquake, no major damage was apparent, no one was seriously hurt, the power didn't go out, traffic continued to flow, and every major news outlet stayed with the story for hours after the event had ended. With nothing significant to report, reporters took phone calls from people who felt the shaking.

The non-event preempted every other news story for hours, preventing news consumers eating lunch (like me) from getting any news about anything, on regular TV (C-SPAN aired the usual abuse from Congress uninterrupted). The breathless, monotonous hand wringing over nothing happening was abysmal, but just a step below the usual broadcasts.

Tags: media coverage, earthquakes, Los Angeles

Smokers Cost Less

The lamestream media told you:

Smoking is so bad it should be outlawed everywhere, and a private establishment should not be allowed to allow smoking even within its own private walls.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

The American Academy of Physicians and Surgeons has released a report that indicates nonsmoking persons of normal weight have the highest lifetime medical costs.

Politicians and others usually list the funding of prevention and chronic disease management programs as a key method of achieving cost containment. Smoking and obesity are most frequently mentioned as risk factors to target. In the long run, however, removing these risk factors would probably increase medical costs -- even assuming that preventive interventions cost nothing.

Using a simulation model, researchers found that never-smokers of normal weight actually incurred higher lifetime medical costs than obese nonsmokers. Smokers of normal weight had the lowest costs. Life years gained through prevention are not lived in full health. Reduction of risky behavior resulted in substituting expensive, chronic diseases of aging for cheap, lethal ones.

In other news, Japan passed a law to outlaw flabbiness, but the belief that it will reduce medical costs may lead to overmedication and increased medical costs. Read (and comment on) the story here.

Tags: smoking, The American Academy of Physicians and Surgeons

Battery Funding Scam

The lamestream media told you:

McCain Offers Prize For New Battery. The need for new energy alternatives is so urgent John McCain is “willing to throw money at it,” according to the Associated Press. He proposed a prize of $300 million for whoever can develop a more efficient car battery, and a $5,000 tax credit for consumers who buy zero-emission vehicles.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

In a campaign stunt that bodes poorly for a constitutional republic, a presidential candidate wants to take money from innocen taxpayers and give it to someone willing to design batteries, instead of letting researchers do research on their own, and letting taxpayers keep their own money.

“If the need for a product is worth $300 million, let entrepreneurs pursue it,” said the Uninvited Ombudsman, with his blood boiling enough to warm the Earth. “Someone should tell McCain he could ask Congress to take such outrageous unconstitutional steps, but he’s only running for president, not emperor, and can’t simply decide to give our money away himself, not matter how good an idea he thinks it is.”

To be fair, both major candidates are proposing schemes that only emperors and dictators can take, unchallenged by a sleepy “news” media. B. H. Obama has a plan to force everyone to pay for everyone else’s medical care.

No details on what would qualify as a prize-winning battery were provided in the countless identical stories that ran nationally from the AP “news” release, because the AP and none of their “affiliates” bothered to ask. McCain did say it should be able to “leapfrog” the industry, a term of unknown scientific value. The Energizer Bunny could not be reached for comment.

Reporter Glen Johnson, in now-standard lapdog style, simply relayed the political pronouncement and failed to ask even the most basic questions:

How many massive new power plants, already browning out to keep up with air conditioners, would it take to charge a nation of car batteries? Don’t they lose net energy to produce electricity, losing energy to transmit the electricity, to finally lose energy pouring it into batteries, according to simple laws of physics? “Energy loss is required by nature every step of the way,” said a high-school teacher, but that’s science, and so is not included in “news” reports.

He notes that battery cars, known as bat-cars for short, can only be considered zero-emission devices if you ignore the massive emissions of the plants that generate their recharge power, a popular fraud used by greenwashing politicians, and overlooked by their complicit reporters.

Tags: John McCain, battery

Global Whining Idiocy

The lamestream media told you:

Global warming has caused acne, agricultural land increase, Afghan poppies destroyed, Africa devastated, African aid threatened, Africa in conflict, aggressive weeds, air pressure changes, Alaska reshaped, allergies increase, Alps melting, Amazon a desert, American dream end, amphibians breeding earlier (or not), anaphylactic reactions to bee stings, ancient forests dramatically changed, animals head for the hills, Antarctic grass flourishes, Antarctic ice grows, Antarctic ice shrinks, Antarctic sea life at risk, anxiety treatment, algal blooms, archaeological sites threatened, Arctic bogs melt, Arctic in bloom, Arctic ice free, Arctic ice melt faster, Arctic lakes disappear, Arctic tundra to burn, Atlantic less salty, Atlantic more salty, atmospheric circulation modified, attack of the killer jellyfish, avalanches reduced, avalanches increased... and that’s just the A list.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

The rush is on to blame virtually anything, even polar opposites like ice forming and ice melting, on global warming. It has reached such a fever pitch that one ambitious soul has compiled a list of published news items and solicits your help in keeping it current.

For the complete list of more than 500 global whining catastrophes in alphabetical order, check this site, where each item is a link to the “news” story that generated it.

In other news, the list of 32,000 bona fide scientists who have signed the petition calling global warming a scam continues to grow, yet it is still ignored in lamestream reports for unknown reasons. Maybe they’re just not being clear enough:

"The human-caused global warming hypothesis is without scientific validity and government action on the basis of this hypothesis would unnecessarily and counterproductively damage both human prosperity and the natural environment of the Earth."

Why can’t they just say what they mean.

So many people are making money by invoking the words global warming, experts believe the runaway train is not about to slow down anytime soon.

Tags: global warming, petition, scam

Global Warming Waning

The lamestream media told you:

Polar bears have been added to the endangered species list, because melting Arctic sea ice caused by global warming threatens them with extinction.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

More than 32,000 scientists have now signed a petition urging the United States government to reject global warming hysteria, the Kyoto accords, and similar radical proposals, seriously undermining the global warming agenda. The news has been ignored by lamestream outlets for unknown reasons.

The alarm agenda is promoted primarily by 1,600 people involved with a U.N.-approved political body, the International Panel on Climate Change. Many IPCC signatories disagreed with its released conclusions and fought to have their names removed from the document. Many in the IPCC are politicians or have no credentials in the field.

Of the 32,000 scientists signing the independent Global Warming Petition Project, more than 9,000 have Ph.D.s., and all are listed at the petition website.

The group says, in part, "The purpose of the Petition Project is to demonstrate that the claim of "settled science" and an overwhelming "consensus" in favor of the hypothesis of human-caused global warming and consequent climatological damage is wrong. No such consensus or settled science exists. As indicated by the petition text and signatory list, a very large number of American scientists reject this hypothesis."

They go on to say, "The human-caused global warming hypothesis is without scientific validity and that government action on the basis of this hypothesis would unnecessarily and counterproductively damage both human prosperity and the natural environment of the Earth."

The petition itself points out that, "There is substantial scientific evidence that increases in atmospheric carbon dioxide produce many beneficial effects upon the the natural plant and animal environments of the Earth."

It is virtual exhoneration for the "cynics, skeptics, deniers and Luddites" who are viciously accused by Oscar-winner Al Gore, his followers, and the U.N. of harming Mother Earth.

In other news, the left-leaning Weekly Spin newsletter laments that, "A new TNS survey finds what some might call a 'bitter' market segment who do 'not respond well to green messaging.' These so-called Eco Villians are 'predominantly Midwestern, middle-income family-men in small to mid-sized metro areas. Eco Villains do not believe in global warming, disdain eco-conscious products and suspect that environmental media coverage is propaganda.'"

They also point out that firms that promote "greenness," but are caught fraudulently greenwashing their image, could be in for trouble from deceived consumers.
http://www.tns-us.com/news/_tns_global_study_.php

Now that the whole global whining scheme has been shaken by tens of thousands of true scientists, the proposed U.N. and domestic taxes, market controls and population-management plans are in jeopardy, but no one expects them to give up such clever and awesome raw power without a fight, let alone to save face. Al "Big-Carbon-Footprint" Gore could not be reached for comment.

Getting back to the starting point, polar bears have been added to the American endangered species list, because most other nations do not have such lists.

Canada, a land mass that has ice and snow on it, has raised some objections, since polar-bear management involves, among other things, hunting and tourism that brings significant revenue to the largely frozen nation. Some 60 hunts already underway, with a minimum cost of at least $10,000 each, will need some sort of exclusion for trophies already taken or planned. Giving up future revenue because some other nation keeps animal lists is reportedly unpopular.

Tags: global warming, International Panel on Climate Change, polar bears, endangered species

Homeless Carbon Bigfootprint

The lamestream media told you:

According to a report aired on National Public Radio, even small carbon footprints in the U.S. (the measure of the destruction of the planet by greenhouse gases and abuse of Mother Earth) are remarkably large. A study of the lowest carbon-footprint group, homeless people, reveals larger than expected footprints. I am not making this up.

The homeless rely on homeless shelters, which have lights, use fuel, are ventilated, and prepare and serve food. Vehicles with engines supply goods, and sewage systems remove waste, leading to surprisingly large footprints.

Among suburban households, even ones struggling desperately to limit their use of limited natural resources, the numbers are measured in hundreds or even thousands of tons annually , according to the official sounding professor who conducted the study with his students. Future studies are planned because the students found it rewarding, and the prof apparently enjoys basking in the glow of the free publicity and fawning accolade.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Several underdeveloped African nations are being singled out for top awards for the lowest carbon footprints on the planet. With an average life expectancy of only 37, and residents subsisting without power, manufactured goods or adequate clothing such as shoes, and eating rodents they can catch or food they find on the ground, Zimbabwe is leading its low-footprint neighbors. Massive deaths due to storms in other parts of the world seemed to threaten their lead, but chief footprint judge Al "Bigfoot" Gore has declared several African backwaters in the lead.

Tags: greenhouse gases, Al Gore

Earth Day Follies

The lamestream media told you:

April 22 was Earth Day, when all reasonable people praised and worshipped Mother Earth, danced gaily with renewable organic flowers in their hair, adopted the deepest principles of self-sacrifice environmentalism -- which has been proven to be a scientific fact -- and conserve, reuse, recycle, reduce and lower their standard of living to save the planet and achieve equality through self sacrifice. If man-and-woman-kind weren’t inherently evil consumers of Earth’s bounty, led by the U.S. and industrialized oppressor nations with a high standard of greed, this wouldn’t be needed in the first place.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

An unknown number of people worldwide, suspecting hypocrisy in stories about Earth Day, have named April 22nd as “Exploit the Earth Day,” led by a clever band of merry men and one Craig Biddle, who The Uninvited Ombudsman does not know. According to Biddle:

“‘Exploit the Earth or die. It’s not a threat. It’s a fact.’ Either man takes the Earth’s raw materials -- such as trees, petroleum, aluminum, and atoms -- and transforms them into the requirements of his life, or he dies. To live, man must produce the goods on which his life depends; he must produce homes, automobiles, computers, electricity, and the like; he must seize nature and use it to his advantage. There is no escaping this fact. Even the allegedly ‘noble’ savage must pick or perish. Indeed, even if a person produces nothing, insofar as he remains alive he indirectly exploits the Earth by parasitically surviving off the exploitative efforts of others.”

During intensive questioning, Counterintuitive Man said, “Biddle’s right,” and added, “Atoms includes but is not limited to carbon atoms, and Biddle forgot to mention food -- you need to exploit earth’s resources for food.” Too many people fail to exploit earth for food and starve, he notes, leading to calls for funding from nations that do exploit earth for food.

Tags: Craig Biddle, puppy

Solarpanel Trumps Trees

The lamestream media told you:

Richard Treanor and Carolynn Bissett of Sunnyvale, Calif., were criminally prosecuted because their redwood trees cast a shadow over their neighbor's solar panels. They lost the case and had to have the trees chopped down, after the judge in the case ordered them removed. The trees had been planted before the solar panels were installed, but grew.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Just when it seems Californians cannot get any more bizarre, they prove me wrong. I apologize for being so naive.

Whether The Weather

The lamestream media told you:

"In what could be described as a monsoon dew-over, the National Weather Service will abandon its decades-old system of using dew points to mark the onset of summer thunderstorms and simply set a date," writes Shaun McKinnon, on the lead page-one story for the Arizona Republic, entitled, "This Year We'll Know." The title refers to the monsoon starting date, which changes each year depending on conditions.

"We want to get the focus away from how we determine when it starts, and put the focus on awareness (of) our most violent weather," said Tony Haffer, the federal agent in charge. By setting dates, public safety agencies can better prepare people for the risks of summer thunderstorms.

In the past ten years, measurements showed the season started between June 17 and July 19. The official date is now June 15.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Abandoning scientific principles altogether, climatologists in Arizona have decided to stop measuring conditions and simply declare a date on which the annual desert monsoon conditions begin. Whether Mother Nature agrees with the plan, or if the declared date will actually mean anything is uncertain.

"Have they lost their minds?" asked one critic who preferred to remain unnamed. "The dew-point measurements gave hard data upon which to form a rational judgment, and we can see that the monsoon conditions began over a nearly five-week period each year for the past decade." Picking some averaged date off a calendar can't possibly do that, he claims. "It's a good thing they're not managing global warming," he said, a fact that could not be immediately confirmed.

Newspaper reporter Shaun McKinnon dutifully reported the government announcement, getting the details of the press release correct on page one, so no correction is needed, as usual. He did however fail to ask how picking a date instead of taking measurements comports with the scientific method.

"Why should we, the government, be burdened with taking measurements and doing an analysis of conditions, when we can just issue an edict and rely on that?" said one estimated government spokeslady. "If we can't do that for such minor issues as science, how can we justify it for taxes, social programs or war? Think of the efficiency, and all the money it might save. Money doesn't come from rain clouds, you know."

The idea that schools might teach students that thunderstorms can be dangerous, or that people already know that, thus eliminating the need for government to pick an official start date for public safety, was not addressed. According to the "news," thunderstorms produce "damaging winds, dust clouds and flash floods." Thunder, which can scare people and pets, and lightning, which can kill people and pets, was not mentioned. The change, "reflects advances in weather forecasting technology," the reporter said, with a straight face.

Tags: monsoons, National Weather Service, dew point, Tony Haffer