Sign up to receive Alan's newsletter by email.

Speaking engagements

  • Invite Alan Korwin to speak at your event! Thought-provoking, entertaining, freedom-oriented topics -- your guests will thank you for the excitement -- long after the applause ends!


« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »

Spinach Is Poisonous

The lamestream media told you:
Spinach is infected with E. coli and could kill you on the spot. The outbreak is a sign of much greater problems with American agriculture, and a lack of regulation on farm products, according to Marilynn Marchione of the Associated Press. The CDC estimates that germs in food kill 5,000 people every year. All spinach should be thrown away.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
A total of one person died from eating spinach due to a locally isolated outbreak of a common bacteria that is usually managed by adequate washing or cooking.

Spinach farmers were financially devastated by the health scare, and join apple farmers, cantaloupe farmers, salad bar restaurants and others in suffering at the hands of the "news" media. No charges against reporters have been filed.

Every time a breathless story about isolated deaths occurs, in the name of protecting the public, public safety is actually compromised, because the real threats people face get ignored.

While 97 people were hospitalized in the recent spinach scare, it's important to recall that, on average in a year, more than 12,000 people will die by falling down, many in bathtubs, 6,400 will die from non-food poisoning, 4,100 from suffocation, 30,000 from suicide, many in pain and lacking health care, 4,600 from drowning, and the list goes on and on. Statistics courtesy the National Center for Health Statistics.

Special guest columnist report: Media overkill over the death of a police officer

Note from Alan Korwin: Personal friend and first-rate writer and columnist Craig Cantoni has been turning out Page-Nine worthy articles for years, and with his permission, the Uninvited Ombudsman plan to run and post some in coming months.

Craig does not pull punches, so you may find your ox skewered by his piercing wit and insights. Yes, my metaphor is mixed, but you will find his reasoning anything but mixed up.

By Craig J. Cantoni
October 2006

Call me a curmudgeon, a crank, a moron or something worse, but I don't understand why a police officer's death is bigger news than John Q. Citizen's death.

A case in point: A Tempe, Ariz. police officer died on his way home from work on Sept. 27, when his police motorcycle hit construction debris. The same day, a motorist on his way to work was involved in an accident on another metro Phoenix freeway. When he got out of his mangled car, a tractor-trailer truck ran over him.

Both were tragedies for the individuals and their families, and we should feel sorrow and empathy for their loss. But both deaths were reported quite differently by the local media.

Continue reading "Special guest columnist report: Media overkill over the death of a police officer" »

Nuclear Bomb Baloney

The lamestream media told you:
North Korea has set off its first nuclear explosion, making it the eighth nation in history to demonstrate possession of a nuclear bomb, according to every news outlet on the planet.

North Korea may not have actually set off a nuke, "news" sources continued later. The test may have been a failure. The yield may have been too low to actually count. The attempt was intolerable regardless. "News" sources awaited official word for days, watching the AP wire closely.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Scientists and the governments who run them know instantly when a nuclear weapon is set off, since the seismic characteristics are unique, well known, easily spotted, and monitored constantly by inter-linked seismic stations everywhere, knowledgeable experts confirm.

Breathless reports uniformly failed to note that all the international "reaction" was staged saber rattling, prepared in advance and performed for the cameras.

Diplomats are well aware that North Korea, an independent nation working hard to develop nuclear weapons, is of course going to test the things once it has them. It has been preparing underground test sites for as long as it has been preparing the devices. The State Dept. knows but will admit none of this.

The United States, which has conducted more than 1,000 nuclear tests above and below ground, considers nuclear testing an essential ingredient in weapon development.

The so-called "Reliable Replacement Warhead" program currently underway in the U.S. is highly controversial because, in attempting to comply with the weapons test ban currently in effect, replacements for America's aging nuclear arsenal would have to be deployed without tests. This is considered absolutely unacceptable by top U.S. nuclear scientists, according to experts speaking on National Public Radio.

U.S. nukes are 'the most quality-controlled products ever produced,' and must be, according to military experts. The notion that North Korea or anyone else could make nukes that don't need testing is just stupid, according to people who know.

"The H-Bomb Secret" was the Progressive magazine article that in 1979 supposedly leaked all the key U.S. nuclear secrets, and federal agents desperately tried to suppress its publication.

It turned out that the government outrage was baloney, since the "secrets" disclosed were public information. No math, formulas, diagrams or blueprints were included, and the difficulty in making reactionable materials was omitted. Containing the nuclear explosives to achieve decent yield is so complex it was also not included, along with any manufacturing guidelines at all. The article was rejected by rogue states and scientists globally as no help, but it set the stage for government posturing for decades to come.

Reported U.S. policy and news about nuclear energy, true nuclear threats, and the nature of atomic weapons has more worthless fat than luncheon meat, experts say. The very real threat of thousands of cold-war nukes that can be stolen or bought from the poorly guarded, corroded walls and underpaid staff at former Soviet Union pestholes was not included in "news" about North Korea's feeble experimentation.

Images of the suspected North Korean nuclear test included aging non-stop footage of goose-stepping parade-trained pseudo-soldiers, olden displays of truck-mounted non-functional rocket shells, dignitaries paying homage to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il in the distant past, and repeats of the above ad infinitum, without captions. The footage continues to air.

Muslims In Darfur

The lamestream media told you:
The fighting and atrocities in Darfur are getting so bad politicians worldwide don't know what to do. The United Nations would send in troops, but Sudan will not allow them in, presumably so they can continue to rape and execute militias and the people of Darfur. A cry to have U.S. forces summarily invade the troubled region has been ignored by the State Dept. so far, which labels the situation a genocide.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The Muslim government in Sudan appears determined to wipe out the Muslims in the Darfur region, because they hate each other. All the combatants are Black. The racial and religious nature of the conflict has been blacked out in virtually all mainstream news reports, but can be found easily by entering Darfur Muslims into a search engine, further enhancing the web's reputation for actually delivering news. Reporters either cannot do web searches for unknown reasons, or are suppressing the racial and religious information for unknown reasons.

Muslim nations that proliferate in the area have declined to step in and stop the Islamic warfare, for unknown reasons.

The deliberate suppression of context in the African nation's troubles might hurt news-media credibility, experts speculate. Because the average news consumer is clueless as to what is really going on, credibility may not be hurt, other experts believe.

Gunshot Saves Life

The lamestream media told you:
One boy fired one shot from one gun into one ceiling of one schoolroom in one state, Ohio, and his gun jammed, according to CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, MSN, the AP wire, and newspapers nationwide. The tale was repeated for days in every city in America.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
A teenager in Corpus Christi, Texas, saved his mother and himself by killing a knife-wielding intruder in their home, with a single gunshot from his Dad's sidearm.

Rose Ann Kozlowski had just returned from buying groceries when the man appeared early Monday afternoon. Her son, 14, had come home from school because of illness, the Corpus Christi Caller Times reported, in a story picked up by virtually nobody else. "This is typical behavior for lamestream media," industry observers noted.

The intruder took Kozlowski and her son to the master bedroom, tied them up and looted the house, loading the booty into Kozlowski's car.

Kozlowski got loose, gave her husband's handgun to her son and tried to hold the door against the intruder, who police said "repeatedly threatened to kill them."

As the intruder forced the door open, the boy fired through the crack, hitting the perpetrator in the head and killing him instantly, Police Capt. John Houston said. "He took a life-saving measure to save his mother and himself," the police captain said.

News like this is deliberately suppressed, while victimless shootings are maliciously spread, to vilify guns, convince the public that guns have no decent purpose, and promote a lamestream agenda of hopeless victimhood, experts say.

The wildly promoted story of a harmless shot to the roof of a building in Ohio had no victim, no bloodshed, no trauma, no hero, and almost no news value, even near where it occurred.

The suppressed story of a shot to the head of a homicidal maniac in Texas had tense drama, blood and guts, victims who narrowly survived a felony assault, a hero, a dispatched criminal, commendations from the police who in typical fashion only arrived in time to pick up the pieces, American-style self reliance, and all the sensational values lamestream reporters and editors usually say they look for in a story. Knowledgeable observers say they lie.

October Minuteman Borderwatch

The lamestream media told you:
The self-proclaimed Minutemen, an armed bunch of dangerous hooligans recklessly taking the law into their own hands, have created turmoil by patrolling the U.S.-Mexico border without permission from the proper authorities.

Claiming a membership in the thousands, the vigilante band of volunteers has aroused the ire of civil-rights groups everywhere, has been condemned by national and local politicians, and are creating hardships for poor desperate needy immigrants from Mexico who are just seeking a better way of life.

Governors in the U.S.-Mexico border states have declared an emergency on their borders due to the high volume of needy immigrants coming in, destroying the environment, increasing crime rates, using up social services and overwhelming hospital emergency rooms. An estimated 5,000 people per day sneak in, despite the Minuteman patrols, the National Guard, and Homeland Security officers.

The Minutemen have not been heard from recently, and no arrests of them for any illegal activity have been made.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Although the lamestream media has clamped a tight lid on any news from the Mexico border in the month of October, hundreds of respectable, law-abiding Americans are serving as volunteer Minutemen on the lines during the month-long border watch with good results.

The volunteers are characterized as vigilantes by reporters, which if true would be illegal. However, for some reason, no charges have been brought and no arrests have been made, casting doubts on the reporters, according to leading experts.

Continue reading "October Minuteman Borderwatch" »

The Left Wing's Plan for Guns

It's time to remember what the Democrat party generally seeks regarding guns and gun rights. The list below was widely circulated while Clinton was in power. (This list and more is available at

The democrat-backed Brady group and similar outfits have been quiet about guns because they want to win the election, and impose their goals on your rights --


1. National Licensing of all handgun purchases.

2. Licenses for Rifle and Shotgun owners.

3. State Licenses for ownership of firearms.

4. Arsenal Licenses (5 guns and 250 rounds of ammunition).

Continue reading "The Left Wing's Plan for Guns" »

Enigma Freezes Emails

A story detailing charges of racism against Texas gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman (see "Kinky Angers Blacks") used the so-called "n-word" that sounds like enigma. It turns out many email systems screen every word you receive, and block entire messages if they contain even one black-listed word, which the enigma word apparently is. Many regular Page Nine readers were therefore denied edition 15, and I apologize for my niggling ignorant oversight. I thought I was being clever, using the word "in quotes," which Afro-Americans use on cable TV constantly, but which the lamestream media carefully skirts. The story is available here.

Mexico Dislikes Fence

The lamestream media told you:
Saying, "It seems unnecessary to us and seems wrong," Mexico "will try to persuade" President Bush not to sign the bill that would authorize a fence at the border to help keep Mexicans from flooding into the United States illegally, according to an unbylined report from the AP on 9/30.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
All doubts about Mexico's true intentions are removed with the current diplomatic efforts, say unnamed sources close to the Uninvited Ombudsman, who note, "Mexico is behind the invasion, and is doing everything it can to keep it going strong."

In other news, it was reported that the big fuss over a proposed 700-mile border fence may be little more than an election-year trick, since adequate funding was not provided to build it. Mexico figured it should complain anyway.

Pope's Efforts Insufficient

The lamestream media told you:
Pope Benedict XVI invited 20 Islamic diplomats to Rome for talks on rejecting all forms of violence and intolerance, according to Tracy Wilkinson, writing for the Los Angeles Times on 9/26. The Pope expressed, "esteem and profound respect," for Muslim believers, but some Muslims afterwards complained, "it could be more positive," and "the Pope spoke about dialogue but it was a monologue." At least one Muslim, Iraq's ambassador to the Holy See, seemed more positive, saying it was a major step forward.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Expressing their dissatisfaction with the Pope's comments about the nature of Islam, two Muslim's hijacked a Turkish passenger airliner to demonstrate their commitment to peace and tolerance. Military jets forced the hijacked plane to land in Italy.

Read what people are saying about Page Nine, or tell Alan yourself.

See the archives below, or click through to an index of Page Nine posts at

About the Author

  • Freelance writer Alan Korwin is a founder and past president of the Arizona Book Publishing Association. With his wife Cheryl he operates Bloomfield Press, the largest producer and distributor of gun-law books in the country. Here writing as "The Uninvited Ombudsman," Alan covers the day's stories as they ought to read. Read more.

Recent Comments

Read the last 100 comments on one handy page here!