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« March 2007 | Main | May 2007 »

Yes! Counterintuitive Man says it’s OK to hate, no?

Just ask the political left: It's OK to hate guns and gun owners!

Or ask the right: It's OK to hate anti-gun-rights bigotry and the smarmy policies and corrupt political hacks who promote it!

Just ask the president: It's OK to hate broccoli!

Ask anyone but Islamist murderers: It's OK to hate Islamofascists who blow up little children and behead innocent people as a political statement!

It's OK to hate your enemies!

But it's not required. It's a choice you get to make!

Yes, hatred is as natural a human trait as hunger, and neither one is going away any time soon, no?

And hate-crime laws are as hateful as the hate they hate and impotently seek to ban!

So stop sniveling! Reduce hate in your own life? Fine!

Enforce your will on me? Not so fine, because I hate that!

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Who has the biggest beef?

By Special Guest Columnist Craig “Extremist” Cantoni

Four political groups are unhappy with the current state of affairs in the nation: left-liberals, faux conservatives on the religious right, progressives, and libertarians/true conservatives. Let’s see which group has the biggest beef:

Left-liberals are unhappy about a lot of things, including being born. But when all of that unhappiness is boiled down to its essence, their major beef is that there is not enough redistribution. They want higher taxes on the “rich” so that there will be more social justice, more fairness, less poverty, and fewer Wal-Mart stores. (I don’t understand what Wal-Mart has to do with anything, but my job here is to just repeat what they say.)

Do left-liberals have the biggest beef? No, for two reasons: one, because the government is not forcing them to do something that they don’t want to do; and two, because no one is stopping them from giving their money to their pet causes. They’re even free to start their own retail chain and charge the poor higher prices.

Faux conservatives on the Religious Right are unhappy with the secular state, with the banning of God from classrooms and public squares, and with Americans marrying sheep or people of the same gender. But they don’t have the biggest beef, because no one is stopping them from practicing their faith. Heck, they can even start their own religion, although, admittedly, all of the good ones have already been taken, including the one about God speaking through a burning bush, the one about a prophet flying to heaven on a winged horse, the one about a guy in Italy being infallible, and the one about an angel giving golden tablets to an absentminded prophet who then loses them.

Progressives are unhappy that the government isn’t more of a busybody. But they don’t have the biggest beef, because they’re still free to form their own utopian sub-society with its own busybody rules. It might even become a tourist attraction, like the Amish in Pennsylvania.

Since you’re a smart cookie, you’ve probably concluded through a process of elimination that libertarians and true conservatives have the biggest beef. Yes, indeed. Why? Because the other three groups won’t leave them alone.

Libertarians and true conservatives believe that people can do whatever they want as long as they’re not harming anyone else. Like the Founders, they believe that government should be powerful enough to protect life, liberty and property, but not so powerful that it infringes on basic rights. They even have the quaint notion that the individual comes before the collective.

A typical day for a libertarian or true conservative goes like this: You are sitting at home minding your own business when there is a knock on the door. Opening the door, you find a left-liberal with a collection basket, a member of the religious right with a Bible and a video camera, and a progressive with a new regulation. The left-liberal wants your money, the religious righter wants to put the Bible and camera in your bedroom, and the progressive wants to tax your cigarettes to fund the early childhood development of other people’s kids. If you slam the door in their faces, they’ll come back with federal agents to break down the door and enforce their will upon you.

Libertarians and true conservatives don’t knock on other people’s doors or retain federal agents to break down other people’s doors. Yet, amazingly, they are called names by the other groups, especially the pejorative of “extremist.” Imagine that: The nation has strayed so far from its founding principles that if you mind your own business you’re an extremist.

Well, take it from this extremist that the political group with the biggest beef is the libertarian/true conservative group. Gotta go now. Someone is knocking on the door.

An author, columnist and extremist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at

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Faulty Immigration Math

The lamestream media told you:
President Bush went to the Mexican border at Yuma again to tout a four point plan to fix the illegal immigration problem. “Apprehensions are down 30%,” he said, “so we’re making progress.” His plan includes a guest worker program but does not include amnesty for the estimated 11 million illegals already here.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
A reduction in captures is not a reduction in illegal immigration, it is a reduction in captures. Instead of catching one out of two illegals, as the Border Patrol has for years claimed it achieves, this implies it is now catching 0.7 for every two illegals attempting entry, if the President’s numbers are correct. How illegals are improving rates of entry was not reported.

The “news” media has been claiming 11 million illegals in the U.S. since at least 2002. But the Border Patrol has been claiming it catches one million annually at its one-out-of-two success rate. A simple investigative tool called a “calculator” shows this means one million illegals gain entry every year. That would mean at least 16 million illegals here. The Uninvited Ombudsman has shown this evidence to the news media. No correction has been issued, and the 11 million figure remains the standard on the networks, cables, radios, papers and “news” magazines.

Critics charge that reporters are incapable of doing math, possibly because they only study English in J schools. Less than 11 million reporters deny the charge.

Homeland Defender Market

The lamestream media told you:

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Firearms marketers, lead by industry giant Ellet Brothers (a commercial distributor), are expanding their lines of “Homeland Defender” products to the general public.

“Consumer demand for tactical and strategic product lines are fast becoming the growth sector of the market,” said one knowledgable insider. “Americans are increasingly aware that authorities show up only after the fact, and that good old self-reliance gene Americans seem to have is expressing itself with great vigor.” Citizens want to be prepared for anything, and responding to Sep. 11, Katrina, and media-promoted psychotics they are snapping up an array of militia-readiness gear.

In other news, guns sales and gun-book sales are up significantly nationwide.

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Doctors Cheer Windfall

The lamestream media told you:
Government authorities warned today that, with an aging baby boomer generation, as much as 20 cents of every dollar could be spent on health care in the U.S. by the end of the next decade.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Health care officials were ecstatic on news today that as much as 20% of the entire U.S. economy could go into their pockets within ten years. “The best part is that most of it will just be given to us by the government, which runs the system and controls the insurance industry -- which it plans to make mandatory. Consumers, who will pay the bills through forced taxation, could not be reached for comment.

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Europe Goes Sharia

The lamestream media told you:
Forming the European Union was a wise and logical step in the development of Western Civilization's heartland.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The number one name for new baby boys in Belgium is Mohammed. The number one name for new baby boys in Amsterdam is Mohammed. The number one name for new baby boys in Malmo, Sweden is Mohammed. In England, it is only number five.

Unrestrained immigration policies, coupled with lavish welfare cash giveaways to immigrants, funded on the backs of heavily taxed native citizens pounded daily by their media on the wonders of socialist "fairness," is contributing to the impending destruction of the heart of Western civilization.

Immigration of high birth-rate Muslims, and the low birth rate of native French, now places France in the lead, within two generations of having a Muslim majority and sharia law. Under sharia law, all cultural elements that do not abide with the Koran (music, dance, art, literature, architecture, sculpture, free thought, attractive women, etc.) must be destroyed or enslaved.

The lamestream media has been too busy with American Idol and campaign cash scores to cover this minor story. Read While Europe Slept and America Alone for a wake up call.

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More Mammograms Please

The lamestream media told you:
"While once-a-year mammograms are urged for older women, women who haven't reached their 50th birthday should feel free to make up their own minds about whether to get annual exams, according to new guidelines from the American College of Physicians," reports Lisa Krieger in the San Jose Mercury News on April 3.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
"Letting women make up their own minds is so radical and dangerous the idea should be abandoned immediately," according to Counterintutitve Man. "The College of Physicians should be ashamed of themselves for such a preposterous suggestion, clearly only meant to increase the numbers of exams they sell to line their pockets with filthy lucre from unsuspecting patients," he said.

Correcting Counterintuitive Man, the Uninvited Ombudsman notes that physicians don't sell exams, they just bill the government (or government-sanctioned insurance monopolies), which takes money by force from the public, to give to doctors.

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McCain Raises Millions

The lamestream media told you:
Sen. John McCain, once considered the Republican frontrunner for the presidential nomination, has "stumbled," collecting only $12 million in the first quarter, an amount termed "anemic" when compared to his competitors. Mitt Romney raised $23 million in the same time period to take the Republican lead.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Influence peddlers, power brokers and rank and file have paid John McCain $12 million in just three months, in their bid to seek access, privileges and other benefits from the man who championed campaign finance reform to stop the corrupting influence of money. His bill, when read, actually prevents the public from mentioning a candidate's name in promotions within 60 days of a national election.

The mind-boggling amounts of money candidates are taking hand over fist from everyone in sight are listed in the daily papers like sport scores:

"By not immediately releasing his first quarter totals, Obama is building suspense about a possible big splash." "The New Mexico governor, not generally viewed as a major candidate, raised a respectable $6 million, and in doing so, increased his national media profile." I am not making this up.

No mention of the corrupting influence of money, or the gutless reform act newspapers used to champion, can be found.

If $12 million dollars is stumbling, may you all fall flat on your kisser.

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Air Marshal Pistolcraft

The lamestream media told you:

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Now that it’s nearly impossible to sneak onboard a commercial aircraft with a weapon larger than an eyebrow tweezers, the FAA Air Marshals program is growing.

The Uninvited Ombudsman has obtained the actual shooting drill for air marshals, useful to anyone who wants to develop a similar level of proficiency. It is one hard mother of a program.

Like the El Presidente exercise some shooters may be familiar with, the drill is shot cold (no warmup allowed), with all shots at seven yards, at an FBI standard QIT “bottle-shape” center mass target.

The target, timed shot strings and explanations are posted at A total of 30 shots must be fired in thirteen stages (6 of which are repeats), in a combined total of 33.8 seconds. The drills involve reloads, multiple targets, and a 180 degree three-target string. Do you think you could qualify?

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British Hostage Mystery

The lamestream media told you:
Iran released 15 British soldiers it accused of trespassing in Iranian waters.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
You will never know what really happened. All the reports that say they know, or speculate they know, or postulate they know, are baloney and just filling airtime and newsprint for the gratification of the masses. The Uninvited Ombudsman has no crystal ball and no independent insight into the situation, just like everyone else.

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About the Author

  • Freelance writer Alan Korwin is a founder and past president of the Arizona Book Publishing Association. With his wife Cheryl he operates Bloomfield Press, the largest producer and distributor of gun-law books in the country. Here writing as "The Uninvited Ombudsman," Alan covers the day's stories as they ought to read. Read more.

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