Page Nine

News "Stories" Unchanged

The lamestream media told you:
Iran is still sponsoring terrorism, North Korea is still being bad, China is violating civil rights, and people are asking the United States to intervene in Darfur.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
I can't keep covering the same stories over and over like the lamestream media does. For the record --

Iran is sponsoring the global jihad, North Korea is an independent nation doing what it wants to, communist red China is violating civil rights because that's what communists do, and the Muslims killing each other in Darfur have some nerve expecting the U.S. to intervene.

If we don't intervene (at great taxpayer expense and lethal risk to our armed forces), count on the "news" media to call us heartless, and if we do, expect them to say we're imperialist war mongers.

The world's Muslim nations have not commented publicly or offered any assistance to their Muslim kin reportedly suffering rape, pillage and genocide in the unfortunate, war-torn, panic-stricken, strife-filled, underdeveloped, deprived, impoverished, depressed, demoralized third-world African nation. U.N. diplomats have failed to point out the awkward silence.

Nuclear Bomb Baloney

The lamestream media told you:
North Korea has set off its first nuclear explosion, making it the eighth nation in history to demonstrate possession of a nuclear bomb, according to every news outlet on the planet.

North Korea may not have actually set off a nuke, "news" sources continued later. The test may have been a failure. The yield may have been too low to actually count. The attempt was intolerable regardless. "News" sources awaited official word for days, watching the AP wire closely.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Scientists and the governments who run them know instantly when a nuclear weapon is set off, since the seismic characteristics are unique, well known, easily spotted, and monitored constantly by inter-linked seismic stations everywhere, knowledgeable experts confirm.

Breathless reports uniformly failed to note that all the international "reaction" was staged saber rattling, prepared in advance and performed for the cameras.

Diplomats are well aware that North Korea, an independent nation working hard to develop nuclear weapons, is of course going to test the things once it has them. It has been preparing underground test sites for as long as it has been preparing the devices. The State Dept. knows but will admit none of this.

The United States, which has conducted more than 1,000 nuclear tests above and below ground, considers nuclear testing an essential ingredient in weapon development.

The so-called "Reliable Replacement Warhead" program currently underway in the U.S. is highly controversial because, in attempting to comply with the weapons test ban currently in effect, replacements for America's aging nuclear arsenal would have to be deployed without tests. This is considered absolutely unacceptable by top U.S. nuclear scientists, according to experts speaking on National Public Radio.

U.S. nukes are 'the most quality-controlled products ever produced,' and must be, according to military experts. The notion that North Korea or anyone else could make nukes that don't need testing is just stupid, according to people who know.

"The H-Bomb Secret" was the Progressive magazine article that in 1979 supposedly leaked all the key U.S. nuclear secrets, and federal agents desperately tried to suppress its publication.

It turned out that the government outrage was baloney, since the "secrets" disclosed were public information. No math, formulas, diagrams or blueprints were included, and the difficulty in making reactionable materials was omitted. Containing the nuclear explosives to achieve decent yield is so complex it was also not included, along with any manufacturing guidelines at all. The article was rejected by rogue states and scientists globally as no help, but it set the stage for government posturing for decades to come.

Reported U.S. policy and news about nuclear energy, true nuclear threats, and the nature of atomic weapons has more worthless fat than luncheon meat, experts say. The very real threat of thousands of cold-war nukes that can be stolen or bought from the poorly guarded, corroded walls and underpaid staff at former Soviet Union pestholes was not included in "news" about North Korea's feeble experimentation.

Images of the suspected North Korean nuclear test included aging non-stop footage of goose-stepping parade-trained pseudo-soldiers, olden displays of truck-mounted non-functional rocket shells, dignitaries paying homage to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il in the distant past, and repeats of the above ad infinitum, without captions. The footage continues to air.

Missile Defense Operational

A former Navy man stationed on guided missile destroyers based at Pearl Harbor wants Page Nine readers to know the U.S. missile defense system, which has advocates clamoring for more money in the wake of North Korea's pathetic tests, is indeed operational. "Rather like a half constructed Death Star," he says. Thank you, that's good to know. (See "North Korean Nonsense".)

Tags: missile defense, North Korea

North Korean Nonsense

The lamestream media told you:
Dangerous radical isolated North Korea has fired a missile in defiance of every legitimate government on earth. Even though the sovereign nation had been sternly warned, and sanctions were already being prepared, the maverick, outcast, wildcat leader launched seven missiles on the 4th of July. Prior reports asserted only a single missile was scheduled.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Experts scoffed at the idea that communist North Korean ruler Kim Jong Il would use a rudimentary and non-functioning experimental rocket to bomb the United States or one of his neighbors, saying, "Kim and everything he has would disappear from the face of the Earth if he ever attempted such a thing. Apart from the fact that his rockets don't work, it's just not going to happen."

The irony and melodrama of Jong-Il's feeble seven-missile launch on July 4th, when Americans launch thousands of tons of Chinese-made missiles for fun, along with the made-in-America awe-inspiring Space Shuttle, seemed lost on reporters, who breathlessly told tales of saber rattling from Washington and a handful of Asian island countries.

China and Russia, close neighbors to North Korea with extensive communist backgrounds of their own, played down the paltry display of fire and light with a mere wave of the hand. President Bush pressed them for a hand slapping, which they have so far refused.

Despite incessant monolithic media bashing, Jong-Il has supporters among most of America's detractors, who relish his impudence, ability to stand up to the world's only superpower, and fierce independent streak that sticks in America's craw like no other world leader is willing to do. He is secretly praised by many ("an enemy of my enemy is my friend"), a fact the U.S. media does not explore.

News agencies, often starved for anything remotely exciting to report, were still blustering about the failed launch of the Taepodong missile today, five days later. No major "news" agency made fun of the missile's name.

The usual suspects called for massive budget increases for the non-operational, non-deployed anti-missile missile U.S. missile defense system.

Tags: Kim Jong Il, missiles, North Korea